As a mom, I’m stuck in this constant dilemma of wanting to raise responsible, independent, happy adults and wanting them to stay my little babies forever. Anyone else? But, since growing up is inevitable, I’ve learned to take the role of teaching them independence pretty dang seriously. Other than loving them unconditionally, teaching them to be strong, independent individuals might be the best gift we can give them. After all, parents, we’re raising future adults here. But, how exactly do we raise independent adults-in-the-making when we’re still dealing with tantrums, spilled milk, homework and chores? It’s actually easier than you think. Read on for 10 tips for raising independent kids.
1. Give them chores
Giving your kids age-appropriate chores will not only challenge them, but it will help them be successful later in life. Whether they’re small tasks or big to-dos around the house, giving your child some sort of responsibility will help them with time management, commitment and goal-setting in the future.
2. Reward them with an allowance
Rewarding your child for completing their chores is a great way to teach kids about independence. In my house, weekly chores must be completed (without fussing—this part is important!) to earn the full allowance. A chore chart can be helpful here, especially when first getting started.
3. Teach them how to save (and spend) money
Purchase a piggy bank and teach your kids from an early age how to handle their money. Guide and encourage them to save for something they really want, but ultimately, let them decide. (They’ll learn the hard way if they spend their hard earned money carelessly). My children alternate between splurging on Hot Wheels to saving for larger purchases like an iPod.
4. Let them get ready for school themselves
Letting your child get themselves ready for school will teach them the importance of time management and responsibility. This can mean packing their own lunch, setting their clothes out, filling their water bottle, waking up to their own alarm and more. My children have to get their backpacks ready every night before school (this includes filling their water bottle, packing a snack and making sure their folders are ready for the next day).
5. Encourage them to do tasks alone
Give your child some freedom when you feel they are ready. For example, allow your child to go on bike rides by themselves or to the neighborhood playground with friends alone. Arm them with tools to handle different situations, too, like how to handle talking (or not talking) to strangers and how to cross a busy street. Ultimately, trusting them to do the right thing will encourage independence.
6. Teach them how to take care of others
Let your child care for a pet (you can start small and buy them a goldfish!), or, if your child is older, allow them to help care for a younger sibling.
7. Let your child attend play dates or sleepovers
This one is especially tough for parents. But, allowing kids to go on play dates or sleepovers (whatever you are comfortable with), will teach them how to be away from their comfort zone. It’s also a great opportunity to bring up crucial, important conversations related to gun safety, acknowledging inappropriate interactions with adults, other parenting styles and more. Also, trusting your child to avoid video games or movies that you wouldn’t allow them to watch at home, and to acknowledge wrongs can play a big role in promoting responsibility and independence. (Depending on the age of your child, these guidelines should be discussed with the other parents, as well.)
8. Allow your child to work out conflicts themselves
Being there for your child during an argument or conflict (whether it’s on the playground, on a team or at school) is important—but, it’s also important to teach your child how to handle it themselves. Teaching them how to appropriately work through conflict themselves will teach them how to appropriately deal with their emotions, talk through their feelings and, ultimately, move forward—all very important life-long lessons.
9. Inform them about any allergies or medical conditions they have
Once your child reaches an appropriate age, it’s important that they’re made aware of any and all health conditions they might have. Make sure they know how to handle very specific situations (i.e. a peanut allergy at a Halloween party), and are mature enough to make the right choice.
10. Let them fail
The hardest lesson of all—let your little one fail, and be there for them when they do. Don’t judge them for failing and don’t demoralize them for failing, but also, don’t make their problem seem tiny. Failing is a part of life, and we will all fail at something in our lives. Teaching them that it’s okay to try, try and try again will give them confidence to try new things in their adult life.
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