Responsibility is about making good choices and taking care of yourself, others around you, and the world we all live in. Acknowledging your actions and their consequences is important, too. But responsibility isn’t necessarily intuitive; it needs to be taught.
Start small with kids. For example, your child might begin by putting away their toys or bringing their dinner cup to the sink. These kinds of tangible jobs give kids a sense of responsibility and help them understand the importance of their contributions to your family.
But how can you teach kids responsibility? In this article, we’ll look at 10 useful tips for teaching your child this lifelong skill.
Key Takeaways
- To help your child learn responsibility, ask them to be a helper, model responsibility, communicate their responsibilities clearly, provide routines, manage expectations, allow natural consequences, share responsibility for a pet and other living things, and give your child time to learn to act responsibly.
- Learning responsibility can start early in your child’s life and gives your child confidence, both in completing tasks and in making decisions.
- Children who are comfortable taking responsibility do better in school, become better social play partners, and are more successful in their jobs later in life.
Table of Contents
- The Benefits of Learning Responsibility
- 10 Tips for Teaching Kids Responsibility
- How to Help Kids Want to Take Responsibility
- Teaching Your Child to Be Responsible by Repairing Harm
- What Can You Do If Your Child Resists Responsibilities?
The Benefits of Learning Responsibility
Learning how to take responsibility builds your child’s confidence, both in completing tasks and in problem-solving and decision-making. It also fosters a sense of independence and purpose.
Ultimately, you want your child to notice things that need attention without you prompting them. You want them to figure out how to get those things done and then feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.
Children who are comfortable taking responsibility do better in school, are better social play-partners, and are more successful at their jobs and careers later in life.
10 Tips for Teaching Kids Responsibility
So, how do you begin to instill a sense of responsibility in your child? Here are a few tips to get you started.
1) Ask Your Child to Be a Helper First
Before you ask your child to take on responsibilities, invite them to help you with specific tasks. Working alongside you is a great introduction to the importance of pitching in, feeling self-confident, and collaborating. It’s also a way to spend great quality time together!
Interesting to note: according to some research, asking a child to be a helper, as opposed to requesting they help you, yielded better results. Kids were motivated by the way “helper” gave them a sense of a positive identity.
2) Model Responsibility
More than listening to us, our kids are watching us. If you model responsible behavior, like cleaning up, admitting mistakes and fixing them, and helping other people, your child may begin to imitate you.
3) Make Age-Appropriate Requests
It’s a great idea to start giving your kids responsibilities when they’re young, but remember to make your requests match their abilities. So while you might ask your four-year-old to match socks, you could ask your two-year-old to take clothes out of the dryer instead.
Asking your child to become an active chore helper around your home when they’re little also lets you (and them!) celebrate their growth. As they get older, their responsibilities can increase, and they’ll be proud of how far they’ve come.
4) Communicate Responsibilities Clearly
When you give your child a responsibility, be specific and set expectations. (“Can you please pick up all your toys on the living room floor, and put them in the toy bin in your room?”)
When they’ve completed the task, make sure you acknowledge their accomplishment (“Thank you for taking the time to pick up your toys. That is so helpful to me!”).
5) Support Your Child’s Independence
Once you’ve given your child clear directions for a specific task a few times, help them internalize taking responsibility for that task by asking them open-ended questions.
For example, instead of telling your child to put their toys in the toy bin, you might ask them, “Where do you think you should put the toys that are on the living room floor?”
When they come up with a strategy that works, let them know you see it. Reflect it back to them. If they split their toys into categories before they put them in baskets (books in one, dolls in another, etc.), praise their problem-solving skills. (“Great job dividing up your toys!”)
This kind of reflection on the ways your child has accomplished a task or solved a problem models positive self-talk. You can also ask them to tell you how they broke down the task or problem to be successful, giving them the chance to practice self-talk.
When your child understands their own thought process and how it informs the choices they make, they’re learning how to be independent and enact what it means to be responsible.
6) Provide Routines
Your child will have an easier time incorporating responsibilities into their life if they can make it part of their routine.
For example, you might decide that your child helps clear the table every night. Or maybe they’re responsible for reading a book to a younger sibling while you cook dinner.
Making sure your child collaborates with you in caring for your home and family helps them understand that self-care is not the only way to be responsible. When your child helps with chores, they’re more likely to help other people, too.
7) Manage Expectations
When you give your child a task to accomplish, they may not do it perfectly. Acknowledge their effort and make gentle corrections when necessary.
And expect that they may resist taking on a responsibility from time to time. When that happens, find out why your child is pushing back and use it as an opportunity for discussion.
8) Allow Natural Consequences
Often, when your child fails to take responsibility, they will experience a natural consequence, which is a clear indication that one thing affects another.
For example, your child might be responsible for packing their backpack each night to prepare for school the next day. If they forget, they might not have everything they need. This kind of lesson sticks, so let it happen (as long as it doesn’t impact their physical well-being).
9) Share Responsibility for a Pet and Other Living Things
For children who have pets, the experience of taking care of them can bring home the benefits of responsibility in a meaningful way. They can see how a living creature they care deeply about is made happy and healthy through their efforts.
If your family doesn’t have pets, you can also try giving your child the responsibility of caring for a houseplant or helping you tend to a garden.
10) Give Your Child Time
Finally, don’t be afraid to give your child time to adjust to taking on a new responsibility. They may need to get used to a change in their routine and feel confident in their abilities.
How to Help Kids Want to Take Responsibility
The more your child feels invested in taking responsibility, the more motivated they’ll feel to do it. But how can you help them increase their interest and dedication? One way is by giving them opportunities to practice self-direction.
Here are a few ways to tap into that independence.
Break Down Tasks
Help your child break down a task so they understand what’s involved to make it successful. Take it slowly. Let them have time to think through the various steps they need to take and in what order.
For instance, if they’re going outside to play in the snow and you want them to be responsible for getting themselves dressed, you might ask them to name the items they need to put on. Then you might give them choices: “Should you put on your snowpants first or your boots?”
Your child might say, “I need to put on my snowpants first! If I put on my boots first, then I can’t get my snowpants over my feet!” By asking your child to imagine the logic of both choices and their outcomes, you’re helping them feel empowered to take responsibility.
Put Your Child in Charge
Teaching responsibility isn’t always about asking kids to complete a task. Sometimes it has to do with solving a problem. Try using their mistakes as stepping stones for accountability.
Let’s say your child is drawing with crayons at the kitchen table and they want to take them into the living room. So they scoop the crayons into their hands and try to move, but the crayons keep spilling.
Help them problem-solve on their own. “It’s hard to fit all of those crayons in your hands, isn’t it?” you might say. And then you might ask, “Is there another way to do it?” Your child might figure out that filling a basket with the crayons will work.
Model Sensitivity
Affirming your child’s feelings and perspectives before you ask them to do something can make a huge difference. Once they know their experiences matter to you, they’re more likely to take a minute to understand your request.
Connect Responsible Choices with Long-Term Benefits
Sometimes kids need help seeing the big picture. If they’re in the middle of playing with blocks, for example, and you ask them to clean up, they might resist your request at first.
But if you help them see their dog might chew the blocks if they leave them out, they can connect taking responsibility with a positive impact.
Reframe Perfection into Patience
Here’s a common situation: you ask your child to take responsibility for something, let’s say putting out napkins at the dinner table, but because they take too long or do it “wrong,” you end up taking over for them.
This is so understandable. It takes a child much longer to do something that we can do ourselves. And our lives are busy! But alongside wanting to help your child be responsible, you also want them to feel satisfaction in the process of learning something new.
Be aware of the extra time it might take your child to complete a task. Try to be patient. Remember that you’re also getting to spend time together.
Teaching Your Child to Be Responsible by Repairing Harm
If your child hurts someone’s feelings, they need to practice a different kind of responsibility-taking that focuses first on empathy. For example, if your child says something unkind to a friend, you might ask them to imagine how their friend feels.
Then, instead of asking your child to apologize, try talking with them about why they said what they said. What were they feeling? See if you can help them understand what triggered the hurtful words.
Once they’re more aware of their feelings, ask them how they can repair the harm they caused. This might look like your child saying sorry, but it might be more tangible, like hugging their friend, giving them the choice of what to play next, or even baking cookies for them.
Teaching your child to repair allows them to build problem-solving skills, expand social-emotional skills, and deepen their relationships. Repairing harm is an active way to take responsibility.
What Can You Do If Your Child Resists Responsibilities?
First, don’t worry. Second, remember it’s a process. If your child doesn’t take on a responsibility that you want them to have, there’s always another opportunity!
Some ideas to help you set up your child for success:
- Find out why your child is pushing back and use it as an opportunity for discussion. It may be that they don’t understand what you’re asking them to do or don’t feel confident that they can successfully do it.
- Make the responsibility smaller so it’s not overwhelming and is something they can do by themselves. (Tidying their desk versus cleaning their whole room.)
- Be clear about what you would like your child to do, show them how to do it, and give them a timeframe for getting it done. (For example, “Please make your bed before coming to breakfast in the morning.” Then demonstrate how to do it.)
Consistently taking responsibility doesn’t happen overnight. As long as your child is engaged in the learning process, they’re well on their way!
Resources for Responsibility
At Begin, we know that understanding and practicing collaborative skills, including responsibility, are important to a child’s development now and success in the future.
To support this early learning, we build activities that promote responsibility, empathy, and other social-emotional skills into many of our products, whether it’s a Little Passports kit, a Learn with Sesame Street game, or a story in HOMER.
As kids’ skills grow through these playful experiences, they’ll be ready to take on new responsibilities with confidence!
Frequently Asked Questions
What skills do children need to develop responsibility?
Many social-emotional skills are at the foundation of learning how to take responsibility. These include “inward-facing” skills like self-awareness, self-regulation, and confidence, as well as “outward-facing” ones like empathy, awareness of others’ feelings, and communication skills.
At what age can kids learn responsibility?
Kids can learn about taking responsibility from a pretty young age! As soon as your child is capable, give them chores appropriate for their age and abilities.
For example, ask them to bring their plate and cup to the sink after a meal or put toys back into a basket after they’ve played with them. Taking responsibility can become routine, especially if you start when your child is young.
How should I teach my child about financial responsibility?
Start small by suggesting your child save money by collecting it into one place, like a piggy bank or a box. Urge them to be hands-on with it. You want them to understand the idea of money accumulating. Help them keep track of how much money they have.
Then you can suggest they come up with a small goal. How much money do they want to try to save? What will they do with it? Buy themselves an ice cream cone? Buy a friend something?
They can expand their goals over time, learning how to be patient and wait for what they want.
Once I teach my child about responsibility, will they ever regress?
The short answer is yes. If your child goes through some sort of transition, like moving into a new home or becoming a big sibling, they may seem to slip backward in their development. Rest assured, this is temporary.
Try to understand why they’re regressing, give them a chance to express whatever they’re feeling, and gently remind them of the skills they have.
Developmental changes may also trigger a responsibility regression. For instance, when your child becomes a preteen, they may stop cleaning their room or brushing their teeth. This is a common fluctuation that will right itself over time.
